I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…

Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.

What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention! I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.

1. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.
2. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.
3. I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.